Some Questions....

So, I read an essay the other week... It talked about the story where Abraham took his son up on the hill to sacrifice him. But part of the point of the story was that the person writing thought that real, true faith was on the back side of complete resignation.

I've been kinda chewing on this... It feels important to me, but I can't figure out why... I try to dig into it, but I don't quite the handle that I can really hang on to...

But I wonder if maybe that is the path I'm currently on... So many things have been stripped away... Church thing after church thing that I thought was important say 5, 10, maybe 20 years ago have become unimportant.  Some of those things I now think of as actually wrong.

I've been off and on thinking about what this life following Jesus is really all about... So much of american church seems to push the idea that it's my regular life, only better. But I don't think that's it at all...

I read things by a guy from Kenya and see such a huge difference in focus and background.  He thinks so drastically different... But he isn't 100% right either...

But back to the beginning point... Does any of it matter? Perhaps the real meat of the matter happens after I give up on everything... Not in a defeated way... But with a realization that I have no real control, that I don't understand how it all works, and that the whole of everything is God's anyway... 

So what does giving up mean? I'm pondering that.  Perhaps part of it is that I quit caring so much about what others think... Maybe part of it is that I stop trying to figure out what to do with my life... Maybe I stop trying to like or not like the things I do and just do them... Or not do them... Like who cares if work is fun or not, it is the task before me, and I will do it.  Like the dishes, or the laundry...

I dunno... I really don't... 

I do know that day after day is going by. It feels like time is being wasted, but even as I go to type that, I wonder if that's something I should be worried about.

I don't have answers... And a part of me says that I'm not supposed to.

What's it about?

What is it all about really? Just a better life for us? Just an excitement? A happy feeling?

God is the center isn't He? Isn't He the unchangeable core of everything we see...? We know...? It's His universe... It's His earth... We are the guests... We are the ones who must adapt to Him. He doesn't bend to us... 

We sing songs and live our lives like somehow He will bless and improve what we want and what we do... Instead we should be seeking out how it all really works, and adapt our lives to that... Adapt our thoughts and expectations... Adapt our expectations, if we don't just relinquish them entirely...

Why do we seek the power of the Holy Spirit? Is it not to understand Him and to have compassion on our fellow people here? Do we wanna see a healing cyz it's cool or because we feel for the person sick or injured? Do we want to know God more so we understand how He works, or to find the promises we like that make our lives better... More comfortable... More profitable...

I read that true religion is serving the widows and the orphans... I read that Jesus walked the earth in love and compassion... Healing because He cared... Teaching cuz He loved. Dying not to make us feel good, but to satisfy the eternal requirements of an absolute God. Because it was the only way that His love and compassion could fit with the demands of righteousness... 

It is God's universe. It follows God's law. We are the visitors... The guests... Here for a very brief time. 

That our perspectives would be changed and renewed... That we would move ourselves to the periphery, and let that absolute, unchanging God be where He really is... That we stop thinking about how our relationship with Him was about making things better for us, but instead figure out how it would be better to Him... And to the principles that He built the universe on... Like love. Compassion. Truth. Grace. Righteousness. It's not about His promises and hoe He reaches out to us... It's about His will and how we reach out to Him, and each other...

Just some thoughts during worship on 8/28/2011

Working and eating

So, been thinking about the idea that those who don't work, they don't eat... I see things in proverbs about the sluggard, and look at the verses about seeking and finding...

First thought, is that Jesus came to fulfill the law... But it often was internalized... So instead of actually murdering someone, He talked about just having hate in my heart... His disciples expected Him to throw off the roman government and create a real, physical kingdom... But He created a spiritual one...

So the whole don't work don't eat thing?  I've often complained that Jesus often feels like a one way street... If I pray and read my bible and spend time in worship, I may sense His presence... If I speak in tongues, then maybe the Holy Spirit will show up and speak to me... But nearly never does He show up on His own... It's like I have to work to get into His presence... 

And if I want the meat of the word, the bread of life, well, the verse says that if I don't work, I don't eat...

But is God all about works then? Isn't it a relationship?

But then I imagine the disciples following Jesus when He was on earth... Already, I see something... They followed... Imagine how it must have been... Jesus decides to to to a new town... All the disciples packed up all their stuff and started walking... Maybe 10? 20? 50 miles? But that's where God told Jesus to go... And Jesus obeys... So if the disciples want to stay with Jesus, stay in His presence, then they go as well...

But now we have the Holy Spirit that is everywhere all at once right? No need to be walking from town to town, right?

But once again, that is the principle in the physical.... It's the same, where the law is fulfilled in the Spirit... God isn't really moving from place to place, but more almost from topic to topic, emphasis to emphasis, promise to promise... And we have the option to follow, or not... We can let Him walk down the road Spiritually to the next encounter, or we can gather up our stuff and follow along... And be ready to help if needed... Be ready to go into town and buy bread, or row a boat, or fetch a donkey...

And finally, the verse that talks about "if you love Me, obey my commandments." and it's twin in James talking about faith without works being dead... 

Seeking after Him is work... But it is the kind if work one should do out of love and a desire to be with Him... And it seems that the response of God to that work is not always comfort and joy... Sometimes it's more work... But it is relationship, and it will be fulfillment... And if nothing else, it seems to be the way it works...

So, First Post

There, I got it out of the way... I have the first post.  Pretty special eh?  Yeah... right.

So what the heck is this? Well, it's a blog... Duh...

But I'm sure it will be a sucky blog.  A terrible blog. Why?

1. I'm not selling anything. I don't have anything to sell...

2. I'm not promoting anything. I don't have an agenda or a community or a platform or a tribe or anything like that.  I just wanted to have a place to throw down completely random thoughts that no one will ever read.  Maybe I will read them in a couple months or years and get a great chuckle.

3. No one cares what I have to say.  No one knows who I am. I'll be shocked if anyone ever even reads this thing.  Oh, I may put out a link to it here or there... to my 7 followers on twitter or my 6 followers in Google+...  I'm sure the servers will be crushed under the traffic...

4. I'm not going to obsess over each post to make sure it is exactly what I want to say and how I want to say it. I'm not going to be worried if I offend someone.  I'm just splattering ideas up here. If someone actually cares enough about my grammar or something like that to actually comment I'll be shocked.

So there you go... I don't think I could make the expectation bar any lower... do you?